I paid a visit to the dentist last August to have my teeth cleaned. The assistant asked me when was the last time I had my teeth cleaned. “Baaa baaa”, I replied sheepishly. It had been a long time since my last cleaning. I realized just how long when she announced that she would be using the Defossilizer 3000 to clean my teeth. But beforehand, she had to X-ray them to check for whatever it is they check for: bad fillings, illegal immigrants, free gifts, … So twice she asked me to “bite lightly” on what looked to me like random pieces of cardboard and then she’d scurry behind blast doors while shouting “fire in the hole!” Anyway, when that was done, she set the Defossilizer 3000’s power dial to “Cretaceous” and started digging. While collecting samples to be sent to the Smithsonian for further analysis, she launched into a long monologue about proper tooth care and so on and so forth. At strategic intervals, I would attempt to vocalize some sort of assent which invariably came out as “arghlg.”

I got a call from the Smithsonian today. It turns out that they found a perfectly preserved diplodocus in one of the samples.

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