Category Archives: Nonsense

PHYS 732: Particle physics and theories of personality

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Everybody is familiar with the usual bouts of anxiety that manifest themselves as dreams (or perhaps, nightmares) of academic disaster. Although dreaming of going to class naked seems to be popular, that never happened to me, whether in dreams or for real. However, numerous times I’ve dreamed of finding at the end of a semester that I was registered to a class without my knowledge. Or that there’s an exam coming and I’m learning about it just 2 seconds before exam time. Or that I’ve been going to the wrong class all semester long. But nothing like the dream I had last night.

I guess new academic roles bring on new possibilities for disaster. At any rate, last night I dreamed that I had been selected for being a TA for a class called “Particle physics and theories of personality.” Good gods! In my dream, my Religious Studies teachers were assuring me that it was in my best interest to teach that class. Of course, to top it off, I had learned about it just 2 seconds before the first class. I felt I was a terrible choice for teaching anyone anything about particle physics. I was also skeptical as to the rationale for making particle physics and theories of personality the subject matter of a single class. Sounds like one of those flashy course titles that end up disappointing.

As for why I had that dream, that’s just the usual anxiety about making sure that I’m at the level I need to be to perform the tasks I need to perform as a graduate student. Luckily, I don’t have such dreams too often.

The appeal of “plus-size women”

Meh…

I just caught a glimpse of a show called “Divorce Court”. It seems to be some sort of show where people with marital problems air their grievances in front of a judge. Anyway, just as I come across that show I hear the following exchange. I’m paraphrasing but I think I have the gist here.

JUDGE [TO HUSBAND]: she says you like plus-size women, is that true?
HUSBAND: That’s right.
JUDGE: Why do you like plus-size women?
HUSBAND: Well, plus-size women know how to pamper a man. You know… they know how to take care of their man. Thin women don’t know how to cook. Plus-size women know how to cook. I like my food greasy.

And so on and so forth… Basically, the guy likes plus-size women not because he associates obesity with overindulgent eating habits and hopes to benefit from those habits. And thin women don’t know how to cook. Ain’t that charming.

Before anybody gets the bright idea that I spend my days watching “Divorce Court”, I caught a glimpse of it while I was sorting out my recorded episodes of “Kahani Saat Pheron Ki”. That’s a Hindi show I watch to try to keep my Hindi fresh… somehow. Oh alright, it’s a soap opera… but I watch it for educational purposes! I do have some standards.

Kissing mutants

In our first floor bathroom, we have a poster of the following painting hanging on the wall:

Kissing Angels

People typically understand the picture to be showing kissing angels (and I think that was the intent of the painter) but I interpret it as a picture of kissing mutants. I guess it’s all a matter of perspective.

Louis-Dominique replies to spam, the saga continues…

Another installment of “Louis-Dominique replies to spam”. Typos in the quoted subject lines are those of the spammers. All other typos are mine!

Usher wears Rolex Bling Bling

At last, someone took time to write and publish a thoughtful editorial about Usher. Stop the presses! Now!

It will long for 36 hours so u can be always ready!

O Dearest, my heart will long for you 36 hours. After that, I’ll give up ever winning you. Therefore, from then on, my heart will long for someone else. I am always ready for love and other things.

No room for cellulite in a bikini

Not necessary. There’s plenty of room outside the bikini.

Please Reply Us Urgent….

Urgent! Urgent! (There you go, I replied urgent (to) you.)

it sucks

Doesn’t it?

alfalfa coma councilwoman irradiate dental

What?

You won’t be disapppointed pink

Try our “you won’t be disappointed” pink for when you’re in a frisky mood and also our “I’m leaving you for another man” blue for when the relationship falls apart.

Suprise for your woman…

Booo!

it’s your decisaion

Only YOU can decide whether to run the spellchecker or not!

WE ARE HAPPY TO INFORM YOU

And I’m happy to delete you.

banks competiting over you schroedinger

There are no winers or losers until you open this spam.

Nervous glances…

I waited two hours for a Greyhound bus today before giving up and going back home. (Thanks Greyhound!) After the scheduled departure time had passed, I started looking expectantly towards the direction the bus would be coming. But I noticed that I was also increasingly shooting quick glances in other directions. Like maybe the bus was going to pop out of a garbage can or a vent!

Louis-Dominique replies to spam, again…

News just released after the close. Tomorrow is the watch

But now is the delete.

Please observe this instruction

I have observed it and I still don’t understand!

good riddins to thighs

And good riddins to you, sir! Good riddins to everyone!

It doesn’t hurt to check Philip

Nor Laura, nor John, nor Steve… You can check them all.

URGENT PROPOSAL

I want to marry you! NOW!

guess who 🙂

You?

Exclusive benefits

If your benefits are so exclusive, why do you send them to everybody?

Take action now, eliminate the threat.

I’m using a spam filter, doesn’t that qualify?

Increased pop-up ads and SPAM?

Talk about self-fulfilling prophecies.

COMPLIMENT FRIEND

Much better than a compliment enemy.

Unbelievable Investors Alert

Thanks for pointing out that this can’t be believed. I’ll delete your mail right away.

Thanksgiving traditions

The Discovery channel has a story about how the “traditional” Thanksgiving meal is not that traditional after all. From the article:

“Most farmers tried to kill a wild turkey or a deer for Thanksgiving, but more often than not they wound up killing a goose or a hen that no longer was a good egg layer,” said George Gross, director of the Delaware Valley College Roth Living Farm Museum in North Wales, Penn.

I can imagine the discussion between husband and wife:

[George comes into the kitchen with a plucked chicken.]

Martha: George, what’s this?

George: That’s our Thanksgiving meal.

Martha: I can see that but what animal is it?

George: Er… [mumbles]

Martha: What?

George: Alright, a chicken!

Martha: Weren’t you supposed to bring back a turkey?

George: Well, that’s how it went, you see. I had this big plump turkey in my sights. Just when I shot, this chicken jumped out of nowhere right in front of the turkey. It took the bullet, it did…

Martha: Right…

George: Lucky that chicken is no longer a good egg layer.

Teeth

I paid a visit to the dentist last August to have my teeth cleaned. The assistant asked me when was the last time I had my teeth cleaned. “Baaa baaa”, I replied sheepishly. It had been a long time since my last cleaning. I realized just how long when she announced that she would be using the Defossilizer 3000 to clean my teeth. But beforehand, she had to X-ray them to check for whatever it is they check for: bad fillings, illegal immigrants, free gifts, … So twice she asked me to “bite lightly” on what looked to me like random pieces of cardboard and then she’d scurry behind blast doors while shouting “fire in the hole!” Anyway, when that was done, she set the Defossilizer 3000’s power dial to “Cretaceous” and started digging. While collecting samples to be sent to the Smithsonian for further analysis, she launched into a long monologue about proper tooth care and so on and so forth. At strategic intervals, I would attempt to vocalize some sort of assent which invariably came out as “arghlg.”

I got a call from the Smithsonian today. It turns out that they found a perfectly preserved diplodocus in one of the samples.